Symptoms of codependence

"Healthy self-esteem is created within an individual who knows that he has inherent worth that is equal to others. The codependent individual relies on others to determine his worth or gets it from comparing himself to others, so his self-esteem fluctuates between feeling worthless and better than."

1) People who are codependent do not know who they are.  They have difficulty recognizing and defining their own reality.  Reality is defined as the following 4 aspects: 1) The body: how we look and how our bodies are operating, 2) Thinking: how we give meaning to incoming data, 3) Feelings: appropriate expression of our emotions, 4) Behavior: what we do or don't do.  Not being able to own our reality is experienced on 2 levels: I know my reality and I won't share it or I don't know what my reality is.  Codependents then, must make up a personal identity and reality out of what they think they should be.

2) Difficulty acknowledging and meeting our own wants and needs: Everyone has basic needs and wants. One may fall into these 4 categories: 1) Too dependent: expect others to meet our needs completely, 2) Anti-dependent: I alone can meet my needs, 3) Needless/wantless: I am not aware of my needs or wants, and 4) Confuses wants and needs: attempts to meet needs with wants."

*Taken from 'The Meadows, Summer 2002